Chat Roulette FTW

Here is a great story. Most people think it is creepy as fuck but I find it absolutely hilarious. You can judge for yourself.

This story spans 2 years now. It started when me and some friends were hanging out. The 6 of us would be bored and think it was funny to go on chat roulette and have these girls just talking to random guys. We would always look for the random nerds and things. Oh and this was before it was super sketch-- there was only like 1 penis every 8 people instead of 1 out of 3. And again, it's just anatomy. It's still disgusting as Hell that you need to get your kicks by masturbating and flashing random people. Yeah there are legitimate fetishes for that (saving for another blog possibly) and if it happens in the real world it's illegal. So keep that in mind perverts. But still, nothing is quite as disheartening as getting skipped by a guy beating off before you could hit skip. That screams: I think you're ugly and can't jizz looking at you.  Anyways...
          So there was one time that one of the girls was online and met this guy from Turkey. His name was Tugkan and they talked for like an hour. His English was (and still is) awful. But Skype information was exchanged and since then we have all gotten each others' Skype names. The original girl is now my roommate. Not the silly ho, we shall just refer to her as Vi for this. So me and Vi would Skype him and his friend. We would 3 way Skype with his friend in America while Tugkan was in Turkey. So we are Facebook friends with all these people then. Kind of weird, but harmless.

Then he would say how Vi was perfect and his future wife. We just laughed and thought it was flattering and cute. Because he would laugh too. Then he said we should come visit him in Turkey. We were like, um no we don't have money for that. He said he would fly us out to visit. He could pay for our plane tickets and that his friend owns a small hotel we could stay at for really cheap. We checked it out too and it was legit. Unfortunately, we were not stupid enough to fall for that. I mean it was still pretty harmless but we were not about to go get taken in Turkey. Pass. I'm not going into the human trafficking sex slave ring. So we graciously declined his offer to politely kidnap us for a week. Yeah, it's sketchy I know.

He also had his thing for Vi. So he started talking to me without her. Because he was going to get her a gift. He had told Vi he would and she was like oh you don't need to do that. But he got her jewelry. Scratch that. He designed her a necklace. Showed me the design and everything. He was going to mail it to her at school. I figured it wouldn't be terrible to have a school address we wouldn't have in a year so I gave it to him hoping this present would show up. It never did.

Slowly we just stopped talking to each other. Until 2 days ago. I was on Skype and he messaged me. He had important news for me. He is currently in the U.S. He is taking a class in San Francisco. Or maybe it was L.A. He is transferring from one to the other. He also wants me to help teach him how to speak English better. Which I said I could do when we were talking. He is still a nice guy, even gave a shout out to my boyfriend. But Tugkan brought up the gift he had for Vi. Apparently he still has it. I asked why he didn't send it. He didn't really give a good answer (in his terrible broken English) but said now he can give it to her in person.

So now I am wondering if I will be having a literally run in with the Turkish man we met on chat roulette. Should I be afraid? Because I'm not. I'm actually excited if we really get to meet. I just wish he could've brought his dog Tiny with.

Oh drunk people.

So one of my favorite things to do is fuck with drunk people. Especially when they are super drunk or blacked out and I am sober. The dumb shit they say is hilarious.

I dedicate this post to the silly ho that is my roommate. A few weeks ago was her 21st birthday and so she went out at midnight. So yes I messed around with her as soon as she came back from the bars approximately 90 minutes later. But I dick around with all friends when they are intoxicated because they have stupid funny responses.

I find that drunk kids are unusually naive. Even if they are very stubborn and realistic when sober, they tend to believe things more easily which makes it so much more fun to converse with them. I lie to them all the time and tell extreme stories to see how much I can get them to believe. Which is a lot. Fucking idiots.

But my favorite moments are when it becomes a no pants party. Such was the case last weekend. I was in my friends' room with his roommates and a few other people talking and telling stories. When I walked out into the main area of the apartment, I noticed people laughing (not surprising) but then boys quickly pulling up their pants. We joked around about that and then oops there they go again. Hey man, nice blue boxers. The funny thing about this is that the people dropping they pants often forget to take them off completely and have them around their ankles. This provides perfect opportunities to get them to run/dance/hop/etc. and watch them fall flat on their faces. Of course these are all people I am friends with so we don't mind a good chuckle amongst us as long as no one gets seriously hurt (and for the record, I have great first aid abilities should it come down to that). Well, one of them was a guy with a busted leg anyways. Like he uses a cane (but I'm too nervous to ask what happened that he needs it) and so its just more humorous. I also slapped him, but neither of us remember why.

Funny enough, I've walked into that apartment before to find people playing kings in their underwear. Boy oh boy did they turn pink. I just laughed my ass off. I love when people get on that level. It's just anatomy guys, we've all seen it before. So don't worry.

But the worst drunk people are the people who want to drink away a person. Like if someone is in a fight with their significant other or something. Because when they reach the level that is required for people to go into no-pants parties they go into whining about their life mode. And won't stop. Suddenly everything is about them and their problems and we all want to hear about it. And when we are talking, it must be about them. But it's always really exaggerated things or unrealistic situations but still they think it's all plausible due to their drunkenness. I hear it from boys and I hear it from girls.

If you ever plan on pulling one of these on me, give me fair warning so I can get to your level so I can bitch with you. If you're going to take off your pants, no warning is needed. Some surprises are just fucking hilarious.

Things men shouldn't do: Part 1

This is an anti-men rant. No use trying to beat around the bush (where did that saying come from anyhow?) and be mysterious about what I might be talking about today or any bullshit like that. So I just said it. Well maybe not anti-man, but they sure do some annoying shit sometimes. So here it goes:

Things men shouldn't do

1. Leave the seat up.  I mean this may be a subject that has been beaten to death but there are some things that just really need to be fixed. If it's in a man apartment, fine. It is your place and we can deal with it however gross it is. But when you step into a lady's apartment you better shape up. When you walked into the bathroom did you see the seat up? No. Because we are hygienic. Yes. Hygienic. Because guess what, there is back splash and no one wants that in their bathroom. Also, as much as it pains me to talk about it, there is like dried piss on the underside of toilet seats. Why the fuck would you want to see that? Huh? Why would you purposefully leave the seat up forcing the next unsuspecting victim to view that and then have to put the seat back down? Mostly it's just rude. I mean you are in a house where the occupants clearly have manners and leave the seat down and you are in their place so how about you just clean up your act and put the fucking seat back down. Yes I mean to put a period there to emphasize that it is not a request be actually a demand. Because I will call you out on it.

2. Talk about the miracle of childbirth.  Sure, go ahead and talking about having children and how it is such a blessing and everything. Let us know how you think it is amazing how we can create life (just like the big man up top and every other living creature) and watch the process as the cells come together to form a functional life form. But the act of giving is not something you get to have a real say in. You wanna know how all the dads I know acted in the delivery room? THEY ALMOST FAINTED. Yes that includes my father during my birth. Some nurse had to grab him before he collapsed. Miracle my ass. Bro, you are not pushing a 9 pound thing out of any of your orifices. Does a miracle include shitting all over the delivery table? Or pissing yourself? Is it beautiful to watch your wife/girlfriend/one night stand scream in pain for hours while you just sit there and are helpless to do anything but watch? No. It's gross. It's sweaty and bloody and messy. And maybe at the end when the baby has taken it's first breath and the nurse has cleared the amniotic sac out of its mouth, then it becomes a beautiful mess. But the actual act of childbirth is something reserved for women, and women alone, to give their opinions on for it being a "miracle" or whatever. Only those who can experience something can give their opinion on it. I've never climbed a mountain so I couldn't tell you how glorious it is or how it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would. It would offend those who actually have done it.
     Just because the world has been primarily run by men does not mean that they know best or that they know everything all the time. So shut up about the shit you can't know because you sound like a fucking tool and we hate you.


This is all I have right now but I know I will have more to rant about. Since our world is half occupied by my male counterparts I am sure that I will have more to say in future posts. So I deem this Part 1. Who knows how many parts there will be? Maybe there will be a post of Things Men Should Do. I think I'll start new notes on my phone for this...

Get off your phone.

Call me old fashioned. I like handwritten notes and I prefer talking on the phone to texting. I like the effort and sentiment put into letters and I'd rather hear your voice and talk then have to wait around for a short message with improper grammar and abbreviations. I like more personal things. But with the technology we have today, everyone has a mobile phone. And everyone is always on it.
     Which brings me to what I want to talk about: cell phone etiquette.

There are definitely times that you should not be on your phone. Some are obvious like on a date or in a movie theater. There are places you probably shouldn't be on your phone like in class (unless you sit in the back). But something that really pisses me off is when I'm hanging out with someone or a couple people and there is one person who is constantly on their phone. I don't care what you are doing on your phone. You could be texting someone else, on facebook, I couldn't give a shit. Nothing screams "I'd rather be somewhere else" like staying on your phone.

If someone is telling you about their weekend or just telling a story you should be paying attention to that person. You don't need to have to split your attention between listening to your friend and reading twitter. Who cares if you can recite a main point of what your friend is saying if you don't act like you're paying attention. It's rude. Even when you are hanging out with a small group of people you should not be constantly on your phone. You are with people that you supposedly want to be spending time with. If you are with people you want to be spending time with, why are you devoting time to talking to other people? Why are you making other plans? Next time, just hang out with who ever it is you would rather be talking to.

I personally try to stay off my phone when I hangout with people I care about. When I go out to dinner, sit around and watch movies, or just bumming around with friends I keep the phone usage to a minimum. Of course there are exceptions. And if I'm just sitting around my apartment and a pal decides to swing by to say hello and watch a little tv, I'll probably still have my phone out. But once we start talking I ignore any texts I get.

Also, what I do on my phone is my own business. I don't constantly look at your screen to see what you are doing or ask who you are talking to (unless you are rudely ignoring me and just paying attention to your digital world). So I expect that when I am on my phone you don't try to read over my shoulder. No I am not texting about you. Not everything is about you. No I'm not talking about anything that concerns you. So back off.

And I know every household is different, but in my parents' house we don't use phones at the table. Before cell phones we didn't even answer the land line during dinner. So maybe I'm crazy for wanting to interact with the people around me and not some random person telling jokes on twitter. Maybe I'm off my rocker for preferring to have quality time with people instead of half-assing a friendship where I only pay attention if my phone is off.

It's simple. Don't be a jackass. Be respectful. Get some manners.  If you are enjoying yourself, you won't need to be on your phone. And trust me, people notice. Moron.

Beer and Football

So it is Super Bowl Sunday. Also known as the day second to Thanksgiving for the greatest consumption of calories in the year. With the amount of carbs from pizza, wings, chips and dip, and (everyones' favorite) beer, this should not be surprising.
Naturally I want to enjoy the foods of the day as much as everyone else, but I will not act like a fool and be stunned that I have a food baby or how lazy I feel after and wonder why all of a sudden I feel fat and have put on a few pounds or something.

There are so many people in the gym working out since they made resolutions to work out more. And then there are the Spring Break people there trying to get a sexy body to show off on some beach somewhere. So when you chow down today don't be surprised that you have to work out more to get back to where you were last week. If you are really that concerned, then don't be a fatass today.


Also here is another good blog and I really like this entry specifically.
     http://himynameismurr.blogspot.com/2012/02/expected-valentines-post.html

These are not real pants.

With the sudden changes in weather, once again I have been noticing what people have been wearing. And once again it makes me mad.
         Leggings are not sufficient pants! It is 8 degrees out! First of all, there is no way that those leggings are keeping you warm enough to walk out side in this winter weather with those blustery winds. Same goes for tights. Unless you are wearing one warm ass coat or not going outside then I guess it's okay. But I still frown upon you.

And leggings are still not pants and you should not wear them as such.

The thing is too, that we all are going to stare at your ass. You know we are. You have it very clearly defined and it's so impossible to avoid it when we are walking behind you up the stairs. So can you please wear something that covers at least the top part of your kiester?

Half of you dumb bitches don't ever wear the right underwear with it. You wear not thongs and have a terrible VPL (Visible Panty Line). You look like an idiot.

BUY SOME THONGS AND GET OVER THE BUTT FLOSS THING. HALF THE GUYS YOU ARE GONNA GET WITH WANT TO STICK IT THERE ANYWAYS AND THAT'S WAY WORSE.

Call me whatever you want

I go through these phases every couples months. And I feel like there are plenty of other people out there who do the same thing. Ever since I was enrolled in schooled, I've had to correct others on my name. My full name is not Kate, it's Katherine. I have gone by Kate as long as I can remember but every roll call, every first day of class, every application here comes Katherine.

I'm not saying that I don't like the name Katherine at all. I mean I used to when I was younger. When I was in elementary school I used to get teased for it. And Katherine just seemed too proper for me at the time. That's why I always stuck with Kate.

The first time I thought about changing back to my full name was before I was going off to college. I could start over at a new place where no one knew I went by Katherine. I could become professional and not just spunky Kate. But then I never did it. Do I regret it? Nah.

The only problem is when I fill out applications and such things. I always use Katherine when I fill them out and it's on my resume and everything. Even when I email in professional messages. But then after I meet with people, I slowly have to correct them that i actually go by Kate. And then I have to correct them from Katie to Kate. Everyone originally says Katie. No. That is not me. I have never been a Katie ever in my life. I have always been a Kate and sometimes a Katherine.

But now I'm thinking about going back to Katherine again. But I don't know if I can pull it off. I supposed I never will know until I try? I'm just scared of it. Just like I'm scared to go brunette. But maybe I will try out the brown. Then try out the Katherine. Let's see how adventurous I actually am.