Reality is Hitting me.

I'm in the stacks studying for exams I have tomorrow. I have my laptop because I have study materials saved on here and in case I need to look something up I can access the Internet easily. But when I'm reading my own notes or printed out review materials, my laptop goes to my screensaver. I love my screensaver. It starts with one of my pictures and zooms out, adding more pictures together into a collage that makes up a picture of mine. The final picture focuses and zooms out and repeats. That might be a bad description but it's the best I can do for this. But it shows me old pictures, recent addition, anything from my screensaver folder.

As I looked up from my lab notebook, the current picture forming was of me and a bunch of older friends I have. It made me smile and then almost instantly sad. All of them have graduated and either moved home or to where their new job is based. All of my older friends are gone, I am now the older friend. I have become the friend getting ready to graduate in the spring and leave all the undergrads. They will skim pictures and see me and remember how things were when I was in college. They will wonder what I'm doing with my life and ask when I can come back and visit. I always ask my graduated friends to come visit and I'll make time for them but they are always too busy with work or graduate/professional school. I am only 7 months away from that. 7 months away from being too busy to see college friends. 7 months away from entering the real world where you pay taxes and can't find a decent drink under $10. 7 months away from being on my own.

Is anyone else secretly terrified like I am? I cannot wait to start my final semester of college and dread the day after graduation.

Old school social media

So I should be studying right now. I started studying and haven't gotten very far. Why you may ask? My roommate and started down a terrible path through the awesome 90s. It all began when her Reese's had 2 wrappers around it. Which lead to the conversation about how if you had a wrapper for a Tootsie pop with the Indian shoot an arrow at a star you could make a wish. Which lead to Wonderballs and different games and toys from the 90s. Like Crazy Bones, Skip-Its, the first toy robots, furbys and of course Tamagachis.

From there we thought of all the different types of online accounts we had. Some are not to be mentioned. But we even looked up our old AIM accounts. I mean who doesn't want to talk to SmarterChild? Hilariously I could still access mine. I remember my username and my password and easily was reconnected. I wanted to see if my away messages and profile were still saved so I could laugh at myself. Unfortunately there weren't. Fortunately my icon was still the Chinese symbol for faith or something. And as I looked at my list of contacts (which were all still intact from back in the day) I saw that some were still online! I mean they were using their phone but still. Why do you need AIM anymore guys?! My roommate reminded me about her Xanga to create those moving icons for AIM and other Xangas. If you need a good laugh you should check out her link. We died laughing at it all.

But seriously I highly recommend you check out all old Xangas, AIMs, etc and laugh at how you acted back in the day. I refuse to delete these accounts now that I have found them so I can always get a good chuckle.

Another way to find me

So I realize that I don't write nearly enough here. But there is somewhere else you can read what I have to say. Yes I do have a Twitter account and I use it quite frequently. I end up changing my handle (Twitter name) randomly when I get bored but haven't changed this one in a while. You can search @OutwitTheDevil and I should pop up. Many of the ideas of possible posts that are never written come through there. Either the idea is too obscure or I wouldn't have enough to write so I cram the thought into 140 characters and say sayonara. So if you get bored, you should follow me.

Appreciate where your friends are.

I find it difficult to blog and get my studies done at the same time. Which is why I've been lacking in blogging recently. I've been working and studying a lot. That said, here we go.

     Going off to college I had planned on finding a school where I knew no one and making a ton of new friends. That way I wouldn't have to interact with a lot of people from high school unless I was at home or really wanted to keep in contact with them. My best friends all went to different schools so that we are all spread out across the great United States. This of course means that we have minimal interactions with each other. Of course we can talk or text or Skype, but it's not the same as getting together for a drink or dinner. And there are times that I miss all of you terribly.
        Starting after our freshman year is when we dispersed even more. All of my male friends got internships from the corners of the country. That's when I began to appreciate the little time we got to spend together. We would only see each other during major breaks or near a holiday. And even then, with our extensive and different schedules, we had even less time to see each other. As time passed, some studied abroad in Europe, others dropped out to start working, others didn't have money to fly home. Now we see each other at most 4 times a year. Everyone is just too busy working or at school to make it home for long periods of time to hang out. I guess this is what growing up is.

     This past weekend, my best guy friend from home came to visit. I was so excited and thrilled to see him because I see him only 2-3 times a year. He lives in California and it is just too expensive to fly to the Midwest that often. So I pretty much ignored all of my other friends when we went out so I could hangout with him. And saying goodbye to him today made me sad to know I won't see him again until Christmastime (fingers crossed).

I have plenty of friends here who live within 2 hours from school. They get to see their best friends several times a semester all the way up to 1-2 times a month. Going more than a month without seeing each other makes them upset. And to those people I say Fuck You. You need to appreciate all that time you have together. We are all growing up and soon will be dispersed across the country. If you are blessed enough to see your best friends that often then you should be grateful. There are some of us who never see our best friends. We don't have money, transportation, or time to see each other. I haven't seen some of my best friends since Christmas last year and cannot wait to see them again.

So basically, don't rant to me about how you never get to see your friends if you actually get to see them more than once every 4 months. Because I will ignore you completely and consider you to be a selfish bitch.

My favorite underrated movie

This is such an easy decision. I even went and saw the movie in the theater with my dad. Sure the theater was pretty empty but I laughed my ass off with good ol' pops there next to me.

I know almost no one has seen or even has heard of the movie Paul and I don't understand why. It is one of my all-time favorite movies. It has an all star cast ranging from Seth Rogen to Kristen Wiig, from Simon Pegg to Jane Lynch. There is even some Jason Bateman and Bill Hader action. And that's not even all of the big names in the movie.

It is an awesome movie for anyone who considers themself a nerd or into classic syfy movies and references. I mean come on! The story line of the movie is about 2 guys going to comic con find an alien on their road trip across the American southwest visiting UFO hot spots. Almost every scene involves some reference to a popular science fiction character or show. So naturally I fucking love it.

If you are looking for an awesome and totally underrated movie, you NEED to check out Paul. It's on HBO right now and I'm sure you can get it at any sort of rental place like Redbox or Netflix.

DO IT!

A colorful brain game

This might be a bit of shameless advertisement but I don't really mind. It's not like he asked me to, I just like to brag when I have friends who do cool things.

If you click here you can check out this awesomely cool new toy. You may have heard of the store called Marbles. It is a store that sells "brain games." By that it means it sells games that would actively engage your brain like Sudoku and that traffic game where you have to move your car across gridlock. The newest addition to the store is called Colorfall.

It is similar to dominoes in shape and the idea is similar too. There are different patterns you can set up and then when you knock down the blocks, a picture forms.

But the coolest thing about this game is the fact that I know the man behind the madness. He is someone I have been friends with for a very long time and I am quite proud of him for having achieved this. Congrats, Brad! But so everyone should go out and buy it! Especially if you are creative or have kids who would enjoy this.

About Me

I find it hard to describe yourself. How you view yourself is much different that other perceive you. At least in my opinion. So here I go:

I am currently attending school for my bachelor in Biology. I'm a down to earth Midwestern girl just trying to figure out everything as life goes on.

 I work hard, play harder, and sleep longer. There is only one life given to each of us (unless we actually do get reincarnated) and I think we should make sure we enjoy it. Of course there are stressful times, but everyone deserves to be happy.

The title of my blog might seem random. And it is. I'm a random person and think people should treasure the unique and random moments in life. First off, I actually really do enjoy sea jellies. And no, they are not fish and should be referred to as sea jellies not jelly fish. But in life, there are always situations that put us in interesting/unfortunate/complicated predicaments. We get into, what should I say, jams? It's just how we go through life.

Fun with the roommate

Tonight, I stayed in with one of the roommates. I have classes cancelled tomorrow and my first and only class is at 2:30. So had I considered going out and getting a drink but it just seemed like too much effort and not worth it. So I became the guinea pig.

My roomie loves to do hair and makeup but with my hair having been so short she has been stuck with just doing my face. We forgot to take before and after pictures... next time we will don't worry. But so she came home with lots of new makeup and hair product and decided I was the lucky victim. And after a rough week, a nice little makeover was much needed. So I got the works: face basics, eyes, and lips. And then some va-va-voom hair. It's just a shame that I had nowhere to go after my look was finished and now I have to take it all off to go to sleep.

Getting up close and personal with balls.

Yeah that's correct. I have a class this semester titled "Reproductive Physiology." My first exam will cover the testicles and ovaries. I am taking this class because it seemed like it would be awesome and all we would do is talk about sex. But it is the much more detailed mechanisms involved in procreation of the species. The professor is absolutely hilarious. He is a sexy motherfucker fat Hispanic. He cracks sexual jokes every day and then laughs at them for 5 minutes.

For example, the author of my textbook is Johnson. As he told us the first day of class he let out a little giggle and mutter "Johnson..." The lecture following testicular function he asked us for a "recap in a nutshell" and laughed. Nuts. He has accidentally shouted douche in class. That one was a doosy. He had to sit down for a solid 3 minutes before he could continue the lecture. But that's not all. He calls the female reproductive system "the happy place." I mean I know it makes a lot of men happy to interact with it...

Some of my favorite things he does though is when he puts all 7 guys enrolled in the class on the spot regarding female anatomy. He asked them if they thought a woman could feel herself begin to ovulate with the explosion of an egg from her ovary. Not a single guy answered. I assume they feared what all 30 females would do if they responded incorrectly. My professor has also already assured us he will describe the great importance of knowledge involving the clitoris in sexual intercourse. I know those boys will take lengthy notes then...

Getting drunk at 7 am

So here at school we have this great tradition of getting belligerently hammered off our asses at 7 am before home football games. It is one of the best things about this school. I mean year we're all smart and shit like that, but us bitches know how to through it down. Let me explain...

I am not quite sure who or how this tradition started. It is called Breakfast Club. All of the campus bars open at 7 am to welcome all those of age to come and get drunk before tailgating. Or instead of tailgating. You may say, well that's pretty cool but nothing awesome. Sir, you are incorrect. I haven't gotten to the best part yet. Each morning you go to get wasted at 7 am, you dress up. For example, this weekend I was an 80's jazzerciser (See below).

Clearly not a professional costume. And most aren't. This is not like the costume you find out and about on Halloween. At least for the ladies. Men tend to dress up in the same garb regardless of what the occasion is. Unless you find one who is uber creative. But for the women who venture out on Halloween in sexy outfits, your costumes are made fun of here. Breakfast Club is not for those trying to look sexy or hot. It is more about creativity and being clever than trying to show off some skin. I mean if your clever costume just happens to show skin then there is still approval. But if you are trying to be a sexy cop, then save it for the bedroom. Costumes I saw Saturday morning include: cereal characters, the workaholics cast, mail order brides (in bubblewrap), the Rugrats, s'mores, little bo peep and her sheep.

I'm looking forward to the next home game so I have an excuse to wake up at 5:30 am to finish putting my costume together. Also, if you have great costume ideas let me know. I have a list going. It's lengthy and I'm excited (that's what she said).

I'm back. I promise.

I feel as if I have completely forgotten about my blog. And to be honest, I do occasionally. Which upsets me. I had planned on using this as a way for me to share the ridiculousness that is my life. It's hard to continue to post when for 4 months straight I was pretty much bored out of my damn mind. But now my life is starting to get back into the swing of all things awesome. And I shall again be posting about silly/entertaining/pathetic/awkward and all things perverse in my life. Get ready for an overload of posts to come up now. For now I shall leave this short and sweet.

I need a new way to end my posts. So I may just post pictures from my folder entitled "Things I Like From The Internet." So cheers to that.

It's been a while

So since no follows this blog religiously, including myself (I kind of forgot about it),  my lack of posting should not have been a problem. I was recently reminded of my own website and now will begin to take full advantage of the blank canvass to display my bitching ranting and description of life.

When I first started this blog, I led an exciting single life. I was the go to crazy friend that drank too much and made a fool of herself constantly. The only main change is the single part. And this upcoming year is going to quite feisty and daring. I plan on devilish things happening. Pictures that should never be shared will be taken. Secrets will be revealed. And someone is going to get tatted up. Stand by for stories.

P.S. It is always a good idea to have a flower pot in your room. Make sure it's empty. Just in case you need to barf and your garbage and bathroom seem like too good of an idea.

Laundromats

So usually I do my laundry in the facuility behind my apartment. It's a tiny room with very few machines available but it is for the residents of the apartments around mine. But there is no change machine there and half of the time the machines just eat up your quarters. So, playing it safe, I drove several blocks away to a popular laundromat to do wash my clothes.

This is not my first time in one of these places. Sometimes, when we travel, I also do laundry in public laundry service places. And let me tell you. There are some weird people who hang out in these places. I mean I think I'm probably getting grouped into some weird category too, so who the Hell am I to talk, but still.

When traveling, we usually do our laundry late at night to not disturb our day plans. There are some seriously sketchy people who hangout there late at night. And some during the day.

Like check this guy here right now. I'm loading up my washers and look up at him over by the dryers. He's already unloaded his machine and is folding his laundry. Which, for a college guy, seems odd in the first place. Important to note: he's alone. Just him. By himself. The next thing I notice is the 36DD on top of the folded clothes. Uhhh what??? Then I see in his hands a very short, very tight, and very purple slut dress. So either this fellow is a cross dresser and not afraid to show it, or some woman in his life is crackin a whip. She managed to get him to take her laundry, along with his, to a laundromat and make him take care of it on his own. Maybe in the private of your own home/apt that's fine, but to make this poor bastard cart around your skanky clothes and undergarments in public?? I felt bad for the guy. I almost offered to help him find his balls.

The other people I felt bad for today was a group of mentally handicapped young adults. Maybe the boys were adults, or at least around my age. I'm just awful at determining ages. But, alas, it wasn't their handicap that made me feel bad for them. It seemed to me that they had two women who were their caretakers during the day. And the women dragged this group with them so that they could do their laundry. Not the boys' laundry, the womens'. Wow. What a great field trip and group activity. I thought it was one of the rudest things. Making them go with you so you can run errands when they have no authority to stop you?

The serious weirdos don't appear until night. They are usually the old men who have no real place to be and just hang out there because there aren't attendants to kick them out. They aren't doing laundry... But they will watch you do yours. They will watch you walk out to your car and struggle to unlock the door with your bag of clean clothes. Yeah. Avoid those fuckers. Don't go to laundromat after dark. It doesn't matter if it seems safe in the light, everything gets fucking creepy at night.

So you've had a bad day.

Everyone has bad days. Not the days where things are going just okay- not great but not miserable. The I want to cry my eyes out and throw balloons full of paint and the walls and stand under a hot shower for an hour followed by heavy drinking and more crying. Those kinds of bad days. I was starting down that road and turned to the internet to see if there was something to make me feel better. And a solution was found.

If you are every alone, if you ever need to cry, if you need a little boost to your awful day, you need to go to the website below. It will lift your spirit just a little. It is amazing what strangers can do for you.

So smile because you are lovely and things will work out.
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The hyperlink is right above in case you missed it.

Distraction #2

So I love coffee. I can't drink it black, but share your sugar with me and I'll get up on that. I mean I'll still drink lattes and stuff too. I don't do frappucinos unless I want an icy milkshake. Because they are not really coffee. Don't argue- you know I'm right.

But I hate how it's a diuretic. I swear I pee all the time when I drink a lot of it. Like every 10 minutes. And the times that I drink it the most is when I fight the will to crash on the next surface that can fit my body on it and sleep there. So basically when I have exams to take. I can drink cup after cup after cup. I've already had 3. And haven't paid for one yet. BOOYAH.

So since I've been studying the same material for the entire day, my brain is saying "Darling, it's been a pleasure. But no one can deal with this conditions. So when you give it a rest for a bit, I will come back to you and we can work things out." You cannot really fight with that. You can try but it's a losing battle.

Also, I think drinking too much coffee causes heartburn. I think this because my chest is killing me right now. Like BURNING via hydrochloric acid spurting up through the cardiac sphincter because it isn't closing all the way. Yeah that's right, my exam tomorrow is on anatomy. Deal. But for real, I think I need to take a break from coffee for the night.

And here goes my caffeine crash. I better find a place to fall asleep fast before I pass out. And preferably not the floor this time.

Distraction #1

So here it begins. This going to be short as I need to return to research. But I just finished 1000 words and deserve a break. And some cake.

I like to be a boy scout. No not like the girls who troll for guys and are trying to get up on that. Like the small children who join a nationwide club. Always prepared. I'm pretty sure that's a motto of theirs. I mean they need to know how to tie like 50 different knots and how to start a fire or cut shit or something. I'm not talking about being prepared for wilderness. I just mean I like being prepared for everyday life.

Like I am stocked up on medicines. You never know when you need NyQuil or decongestants or melatonin or Tylenol. I like to be prepared for things. But I was not aware I was down to 3 Kleenex. ONLY 3! And WHAM! I've been hit with a cold. Talk about awful timing. I need to get so much done and I don't even have anything soft to wipe the snot off my face. Oh and it's crappy weather out and is supposed to rain all day. So do I really want to go walking around in that? No. But do I want to use napkins to blow my nose? No. I usually always have at least 2 boxes of tissues in my room. And the fact that I don't is killing me. Killing. Me.

I suggest this to you: go by more Kleenex. You never know when you're going to get sick. And while you're at it, I would go buy lots of drugs, put them all in one pill bottle, and carry them with you at all times. Being a walking pharmacy gets you a lot of friends. Trust me, I know.

Seizure dancing.

I wish dancing wasn't so stupid nowadays. Yeah I totally just want to grind my ass up on a dick all night long. That sounds like exactly what I want to do. I need a dance break... QUICK! WHERE CAN I GYRATE MY BODY?!

Okay okay sometimes I'm down for that. But have you ever watched Grease and been like damn, I wish we did that. That had some good moves. A guy and gal dancing together face to face without crotches touching?! What?!?

Yeah I think it's fun. I know basic salsa moves and wish I knew more. It is so much more fun than grinding. If you think your ass rubbing on someone's crotch is sexy, just imagine the heat and passion involved in salsa for a second. You not knowing where the dance will lead you as you follow his moves. Spinning around, twisting and turning, freedom to move and close to each other but not breaking the boundary between each other. Now that's hot.

But what about when you don't have a partner?

The other night I went to the Avicii concert. I would say that I'm kind of a closet club head. I really do like techno. I've been to concerts for techno artists like Groove Coverage and been to a few clubs in my day. I don't often get to let that side of my out. So when I got a free ticket, I was overjoyed. Thank the lord baby Jesus I was only with 1 other person I knew there. Because I promise you, I looked like a freak.

The concert was not in an auditorium or place with open floor space. There were seats everywhere. Assigned seats, but if you're just two attractive girls moving your body people will pretty much just let you go wherever you want. So we got about 10 rows closer than our tickets. But what I was saying was that there were seats preventing much physical interaction between human beings. And trust me, I needed the space.
               I am dead sure the Koreans next to me and frat boys behind me thought I was having seizures the entire night. When I can feel music in my body, you know, when the bass comes through the speakers and travels into your skin and around your body into your heart, I die. Almost. And boy oh boy, when that bass drops, I cannot be held responsible for the movement my body makes. My body was shaking and my hips were rocking. My arms were pounding and flying around. I had goosebumps. I could've just been at the concert by myself and rocked out like I did and not have cared at all. I got to let loose in a way very few people have actually seen. Because I look like I'm having some sort of attack and my body is breaking.

Not really sure how this all connects. Definitely don't care. But next time you see some tall bitch having a standing seizure, rest assured that she is actually dancing. And it's probably me.

Long time, short post.

So I haven't been on here in a while. Don't worry, if you actually check to see if I've blogged, there should be a decent amount of posts coming up. Finals are coming up. And you know what that means... Time for distractions!

Also, the dashboard has changed. When did that happen?

But I have a list on my phone of different ideas of what to blog about. And they will have attention given to them probably starting this weekend. So get ready for randomness!

I need a distraction... you need a distraction... it's a lose-lose situation! Where we end up winning?

Rape vans

I have had extended conversations about this topic with my mother. You know those vans, the ones that are usually all white that seem to just prowl the neighborhood. The ones that are always shown in movies with the bad guys hanging out in. The ones with the pedophiles in them asking little children if they want some candy. The ones that whisk people away in the middle of the night. Or day I supposed.

There are laws in several places that don't allow cars to have tinted windows. It prevents officers of the law from looking in and discovering something illegal or being able to identify persons inside the vehicle. If there are laws against having tinted windows, how is it okay for vans to exclude windows?? There is no chance for the cops to even look inside! Why would a personal vehicle not want windows? Windows let in the sunlight and let your prisoner see the gorgeous environment. The also let people see the young woman you have bound and gagged in the back. And if you have a woman trapped in the back of your car and you plan on doing illegal things to her, then you deserve to rot in jail.

I can maybe understand a business not having windows to make it more difficult to see the equipment and no one wants to break into a van to steal something if what is in there isn't even valuable. Criminals only put in the effort to break into a car if they are going to get something out of it. So if they don't see anything worth taking, they will move onto something better. But there shouldn't be anything that crazy in the back of your personal car.

I don't think cars should be allowed to eliminate windows if they can't tint their windows. It's dumb.

"Please pull up your pants and go away."

Chronic Bitch Face

Today I'm going to educate you on a condition that affects many women. It isn't life threatening, but it does cause some serious concern. I know this because I am afflicted with it. It is: Chronic Bitch Face (CBF).

I have often been around people, talking and interacting in a completely normal manner, and they accuse me of giving a look. I look judgemental, angry, bored, like I think they're stupid, etc. I'm sorry. I'm really none of those (probably). This is really just how my face looks when it is relaxed and I'm not putting in an effort to contract the muscles. Too bad you think that I'm giving you attitude, it's just CBF. I can't help it. I was born like this and there isn't much I can do about it. One of my best friends is also plagued by CBF. People often think she looks intimidating or pissed. She isn't either. We are just normal people trying to live our normal lives. I know there are more of us out there. We are simply trying to spread the word about CBF so that people will constantly stop glaring at us because they think we are being shitty with them.

THIS IS JUST MY FACE. THIS IS HOW I ALWAYS LOOK. DEAL WITH IT.

This picture should also help to spread light on this matter:

21.

Wow. Now that's a party. It doesn't matter if you try to pace yourself, you're screwed no matter what.
I hit up the bars for my 21st birthday. There was a pretty large crowd that went out with me and since the bars weren't that busy, we took up a lot of space. Everyone I knew there wanted to buy me a drink. I wanted to have a good night and be able to remember it all. Everyone else wanted me praying to the porcelain gods. I spaced out the drinks I had as much as I could, but they were just lining up so fast. This is how I started my night:

 It was great. I was looking fresh to death. I had my best friends all with me. Then more and more people started to show up. More and more drinks lined up. We made it to two bars. Then we all dissipated as the bars closed and I went home. It was a rough night. This is how the night ended:

I'm not sure how it has happened that on your 21st birthday you must drink until you drop. I'm not sure I'm thrilled with it. I'm just glad that I have the ability to go wherever I want when I want. Expect some crazy stories for the rest of April. I deem this month: April Apocalypse. We shall see if I survive.

Last underage post...!

Of course this weekend has to be extremely busy. And I have a thousand things I should be doing right now. I have exams I need to be studying for. I have other homework that needs to get done. I could nap even despite the 11 hours of twice interrupted sleep I have. I really should clean my room since it is very gross. But alas, nothing is quite as interesting to me as blogging right now.

I am preparing for a very exciting day. Soon, I shall be 21. Most of my friends are already 21 and have been for a while. So they would get to go out on the weekends and get into places I could not. It was annoying but I got used to it. It only would still piss me off when it would prevent me from following through with plans.

    I did not go on spring break with friends because I would be younger than them all and that would prevent them from going out to bars and clubs at night since I couldn't get it. They could do whatever they wanted and I would be the anchor attached to their ankles holding them back. So instead of being the annoying bitch, I stayed home.
    The other time that it pissed me off was on Saint Patrick's Day. All I wanted to do was have some authentic Irish food for lunch and enjoy some Irish music. That was all. But the Irish restaurant/pub decided that it was going to be 21 and over. Starting at noon. NOON. Do you have any idea how many people they must've had to turn away? Because they can't let in a family with small children and turn away me. Because I was turned away. So no I did NOT get any Irish food on Saint Patrick's Day-- I got Panera. Which is good but not what I wanted.

But now I will be able to go to any restaurant and any show any time I want. I won't have any age restrictions on me any more. I could go to a bar to see a concert. I can eat dinner in a pub. That's one of the things I look forward to the most. To have the freedom and the choice to go where I want when I want. Because it is different than not wanting to go somewhere and coincidentally not being able to go to the place and just having the choice not to go.

So here I go: into the final days before freedom. I'll post again from the other side. Wish me the luck I'll need to survive the night. I won't let go Jack!

Double-edged sword

I'm watching one of my favorite shows. Sex and the City obviously. I've got my own Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte in real life. The episode that I'm watching is when Miranda is aware of the difference in salary between her and Steve. Steve gets offended that Miranda can/wants to buy him a suit. And Miranda wants to pay for dinner or lunch for them but Steve won't let her so she always chooses cheap places for food. That way he won't have to spend as much money. It just shows the differences between men and women and the double standards that women have on them. Miranda even said that. A single man with money is attractive but a single woman with money is a threat.
          But it's true. To be a very independent single girl can be rough. Apparently it becomes intimidating. I mean, if you were a single girl you can either be too clingy and needy or too independent and stand-off-ish. Like they hate men and can't live with them in the same world or that they can't survive a day without a penis near them. There is a happy medium. But it's not often shown in the media, or I'm just not watching enough TV recently.
         One of my absolute favorite movies is The Breakfast Club. And even they talk about the double edged sword battling girls. When Claire is being pressure to say if she is a virgin or not, Allison reminds her of this. Granted they are in high school but it still applies to older women as well. If she says she's had sex, then it qualifies her as a slut. If she hasn't, then that makes her a prude. And it doesn't matter if her answer has a justifiable reason, judgement has already been passed. This still is applicable to college aged women and older as well. There is a societal expectation that individuals at that age have had sex but that is not always true. The older a person gets and is a virgin, the more rare they are. A whole movie was made about old virgins. But if a girl has slept with too many people, then she is easy and a whore. There is a fine line between being cold and weird and being a sleazy ho-bag. No one knows where that lines is and I know girls who worry about walking that line.
          Another place where there are different standards is in the work place. A woman can try and go for a raise. But in a competitive market, a woman could be construed as either aggressive or assertive. They seem quite similar, yes? But when applied to a working woman, they can be different. Being assertive is a good quality to have. It implies respect and still having the ability to take charge. While being aggressive shows no responsibility and just a push for dominance. When a woman goes for a promotion they often are viewed only as aggressive. Like if a woman wants to continue to work even after she has had children. What if she doesn't want to be a stay at home mom? Then there must be something wrong with her maternal instincts and she must be broken. I disagree. I know stay at home dads. There's nothing wrong with them. So if a woman is passionate about her career why should she have to sacrifice everything while men get to do whatever they want? I think that a woman can do whatever she wants to do just like a man can. And should be able to do it without the excessive judgement.

None of this is fair. And I know there isn't a lot that is fair for different people. Men will always think they are better and that they can control what's going on in the world around them. Well guess what bitches. Your testosterone gets turned into estrogen so you can have properly developed brains. Oh men are smarter? When can't your testosterone perfect your brain to be functional? Obviously the female hormones are more important. So fellas, shut the fuck up.

"If you don't have anything nice to say about someone, join the club."

We get it.

It's spring break. The time for kids to get rowdy and go down to Florida and get hammered. Some people have money to go to warm places or other countries for a week. You get excited and you have a good time. Great for you. Now shut up.

Not everyone has the ability (transportation or money etc) to go to these awesome places. Some people are forced to work during break. Others have doctor appointments. Some people are busy studying for the MCAT. There are plenty of reasons college kids don't go to Panama City Beach and get blasted.
It's not that we don't want to go have a crazy time with our friends, it wasn't our choice to not go somewhere hot and let loose. We just can't. I am one of those people.

Well guess what, assholes. It is still 70 degrees out here. There is no rain. I get to have delicious and free homemade dinners. I can do whatever I want here still and still relax. That's great that you get to sit on a beach and sip daiquiris. Doesn't mean I want to be update about what you're doing every few hours. I have my own life I am living I don't need to to rub it in my face that you have money to travel and I don't. Or money to eat out and buy many drinks. Sure I'll take a fly by after break. But I don't care for your exotic life right now.

You don't need to go somewhere with a beach or out of the country or on a cruise to have a good time. I have a great time with my family playing ping pong and listening to Chiddy Bang. I've never gone to Florida for spring break. And I think I'm just fine.

Short shorts and long pockets...

I do care. You look stupid. This is similar to the eskihoes post. Not really. But kind of, I suppose.

So there are shorts made for girls (and I guess women too but I wouldn't recommend wearing them) that are of either normal or short length but with long pockets. And by long pockets, I mean you can see the pockets sticking out the bottom of the shorts. I know that they make tiny pockets for most womens clothing, since --SPOILER ALERT-- I am a girl and all, since we usually carry a purse or bag around with us so we don't need all that room in a pocket to carry stuff like how men do. And all the shorts I own regardless of length have relatively small pockets. Pockets that are clearly smaller than these sluts' shorts.
       The thing is though, that you don't find this except with more designer clothing. You know, the clothes you pay out the ass for. So if you are going to throw away your money like that, don't you want to have all the inner workings of your clothing covered? Why do you want us to see where your pockets are? Or what is in them? Because you never have anything in them anyways. How do I know? BECAUSE I CAN FUCKING SEE THEM. No one has justification for this. Except maybe something like "It's fashionable." or how it's "high fashion". Yeah. Right. Like normal people wear that stuff. So you saying you are going to wear stuff like this now?

 Yeah right you are. So you have no good reason why you wear stupid stuff. Unless you are, in fact, stupid.

Well my face mask is now dried. I was blogging while I was waiting for it to dry and I can no longer move my face. I hope this stuff actually works. If not it was under a dollar so who gives a fuck. I look like a bad clown.

Application awkwards

So I have been filling out a bunch of different types of applications recently. Some are for jobs and others for scholarships or financial aid. And there are some normal parts of applications and then there are always the awkward questions. And some of them just kill me.

          NORMAL

• GPA
• Felon status
• Education history
• Address
• References
• Why you deserve whatever you are applying for

I can handle these sort of questions. They are straight forward. They are simple.  Then there are the weird questions.

          AWKWARD TURTLE

• How do you contribute to diversity?

                  Here is my problem with this one: I am a white girl from a middle class family in white suburbia. I cannot change who I am or where I was brought up. I haven't gone and traveled to culturally different countries. How do I contribute to diversity then, huh? We all know you mean like racially or ethnically. I have never been persecuted for anything about me. We understand this is the politically correct way to find out if I am an immigrant or of colored skin. Which is actually quite irrelevant when you look at genetics but people will never accept the elimination of race which is stupid. So thanks for reminding me I'm white and am to blame for the sins of the whiteys who came before me. Thanks a lot.

• Are there any other jobs you would rather have?

                  Yeah actually now that you mention it, I would much rather be an event planner for the wealthy. I could plan an awesome party or wedding and make a great commission. Or I could be a famous actor making big bucks and having my face slapped on posters. Note I didn't say a good actor, I mean look at Kristen Stewart... But Hell. Why on Earth would this be an appropriate question? Some jobs are for character building. Some are for resume building. Most are both. But you don't need to notify everyone of that.

• Are there any other reasons you would like to work here besides the money?

                   Sure sometimes you actually want a job because of what it entails. But mostly it has to do with making money. Or the discounts that the job can provide. I mean who wouldn't want a discount on ice cream or clothes or something like that. But if it is just a pay-the-rent job like many are, how are you supposed to lie to them without being a jerk? I wouldn't ask this unless I wanted to make someone squirm during an interview.

These are just a few off the top of my head that I've seen the past few days. And I find them odd and unnecessary. I probably will rant about something else similar to these at a later date. I fucking hate it when my coffee goes cold.

"Don't treat me any different than you would treat the queen."

Do I look friendly?

I suppose I must. People keep striking up conversation with me when I least expect it. Like when I'm sitting alone in a study cafe with my headphones in. I never really expect people to try to talk to me in the first place but I guess I look approachable. I mean judge for yourself:

 But so here I am just typing away. In basically the exact same spot I was last night. And at the table next to me is the same (cute) gray coat that was here last night. I remember it because there was no owner with it last night and I thought about snatching it but let it be. I figured someone would come back for it. But alas here it was. So a guy sitting at a table on the other side of the jacket was there with his buddy. Side note: the buddy is in my exercise class and we both had the glimmer of recognition and agreement on mutual ignoring of each other. Anyways the guy asks me if it is my coat. And as you can see in the picture, I am clearly wearing a coat. So I say no and he moves it. I say how it has been here since last night and how I was surprised no one had come to claim it. Who leaves without a coat? But I'm considering leaving with an extra one since it is still here. Is that really awful? The guy leaves the cafe area a few times and then randomly comes back and asks me a question. I have my earbuds in so I take them out but still don't understand when he repeats the question. Finally I get it. Do I like jazz? And I do. I listen to jazz all the time when I am studying or doing homework. Apparently there is a jazz concert going on upstairs that he simply must enlighten me on. He even has a pamphlet. But he has to finish his work real fast so he can go watch. I just sort of nod and go back to my lab report. But 10 minutes later when he leaves to go upstairs to listen to jazz, he gives me a wave and says goodbye. Okay perfect stranger. I gave a wave back to be polite.

I don't understand how this happens to me whenever I am in the library. Someone is always talking to me and asking questions. People I have never met before and likely will never see again. I guess I look like a nice person. Little do they know...

Library idiots pt 2

In addition to there being the assholes who won't shut up for the rest of the population who are trying to get work done and couldn't care less about your life, there are the jerks who tempt. So here I am sitting in the cafe -- which is closed might I add-- trying to type up a scholarship application and all of a sudden 6 bitches walk it talking quite loud. Let me address why I am in the closed cafe to begin with: it is connected to our most social library. No one goes and gets much work done because everyone around them is chatting each other up on random things not related to studies. And usually in the cafe area, at least at this time of night, it is relatively empty and people are doing real work and not socializing. So here come these bitches. They plow through the doors laughing, not giggling or a small chuckle, a full on fucking laugh and start searching for tables. Now let me tell you, 70% of the tables are open so it's not hard to find one. But they still take forever and I wish they were further away from me. And what do they bring in here? Not books. Not laptops. Pizza. Fucking pizza. 2 large pizzas and possibly a small cheesy bread. WHO THE FUCK DO THEY THINK THEY ARE. Now the whole area is full of the delicious aroma of pizza and the sound of the hideous voices.

Is it literally impossible to find appropriate areas to study? I'm just gonna have to curb stomps these jerks. And trust me I've already sent the "Shut up or I'll puncture your throat" stare. When I give a death stare, it speaks volumes.

Library idiots

Here is just a little short rant. It's what I do.


SURPRISE! I am in a library again. This time I would like to rant about all the morons in here. First, your backpack does NOT need its own special cubicle. I understand it is nice to have space for your shit and you may not want to sit next to some random-ass bitch blogging about you, but suck it up. There are like 40,000 people here. Learn to share space or get the fuck out.
          Next, just because you have a room for group studying does NOT mean it is soundproof. Bitch I can hear you shouting about philosophy or whatever all the way over here. But the thing is, I know that's your normal speaking voice. So I guess I feel awful for the other people in that room with you. I know I wouldn't want to be there.
          And for the people who are here with someone else but are not in a room, this is the "Quiet Study" area. So shut up. Stop giggling or go to the main floor. I didn't climb up to the 3rd floor to hear you whispering about who Becky madeout with last night.
          Along with that, I don't want to hear your dumb music playing through your skull. This is the quiet area so me having my headphones in shouldn't be required and even when I just have them on quietly for background noise I shouldn't be able to hear your party playlist. Who the Hell studies to LMFAO anyways? Idiot.

There is a certain etiquette you should have in a library. If you can't abide by it then leave. Go to some social place to study. Hell, even coffeehouses are better than being surrounded by all these fucking loud assholes.

I trust the stranger

I have never gotten a bad suggestion that I can remember. Today I was curious about the new latte at Greyhouse (WHICH IS WAY BETTER THAN STARBUCKS. If you disagree then you can go drown in their stupid always to go fancifully named sized coffee. Get your coffee locally from a cute dude wearing a beanie). I love trying new things but I don't often get too adventurous about foods and such without a good review first. If it's an iffy review, fo'get about it.  But the new latte at Greyhouse is maple caramel. Now I feel like maple ends up tasting pretty good with most things. Maple syrup with pancakes, maple and bacon cupcakes (orgasmic), etc. But a hot beverage with maple flavoring? I was intrigued. But being alone, I wasn't positive I wanted to try it out. I was going to go with my last new choice -- blueberry cinnamon latte. My fallback is always a creme brulee. You just can't mess those up. And if you do, you should go hide in a corner of shame. So I asked the barista. He had never had it and called over one of the other baristas. We had a nice conversation comparing my choices. Thankfully no one else was in line behind me or I'm sure we wouldn't have had a real talk about the coffee. I went with the maple caramel. I'm glad I did. Now I know I can trust this guy with his recommendations. Fabulous.


These recommendations and suggestions go with more than just ordering some nom. I often speed shop on my own. Back home we have one of the largest indoor malls in America. If you don't go there often, then you are simply overwhelmed and want to go everywhere. Living 10 minutes away from it, I know exactly where to park when and which stores are in which areas and how to navigate through the hordes of people shopping. So I hit up my favorite stores by myself since I don't like having to wait for other people and like to go at my own (quick) pace. But it's sometimes hard to figure out what actually looks good on your body without a second opinion. I often become friends with the girls working the dressing rooms and they help me narrow down what I definitely should not get and then compare all the "yes" items. I have not regretted any of the purchases I've made when these nice ladies help me out.

It's just nice to have people be honest. They could just be assholes and encourage you to buy the more expensive items so that they make more money or something like that. But I feel like if you take the time to actually ask them politely what they think, they will be truthful and share their opinion. I'd like to think that people are trustworthy for random little things like that, even though I know not everyone is. There will always be that jerk who pushes you too far and tells you "Oh my God everything looks good on you! I would just buy it all if I was you." Then you start contemplating it and that sneaky devil pushes you to the edge of spending way too much. And yes there is a difference between being a good salesperson and an ass. As a server, you can suggest a more expensive steak with a "you only live once" but you don't need to repeat that they should order that until they do.

I don't know. Maybe I just like talking to new people and know that when I'm working I like interacting with nice people. I mean I'm not an idiot and trust absolutely everything strangers say. I'm not gullible like that. But if it is just something little, why would they bother lying about it? Sounds like too much effort to me. That's why whenever anyone has asked my opinion, I give my honest answer. Unless I don't like you. Then you're screwed.

Take care of your shit.

So I have nothing going on. So I might as well write something. And I talked about this earlier with some people but I will do a short thing now.

I don't understand how people don't flush toilets. Especially when they are automatic flush toilets. I do not like it or appreciate it when you do your business but then let it sit there. No one wants to walk into a stall and see your crap exploding in a white bowl. There is no way you can't flush. What... do you like looking at it? Are you some sort of freak like that? Have you no common decency? It's bad even when you just take a piss, because the people who just piss leave it all over the seat. Tonight I walked into a bathroom and 2 of the 3 stalls were full of nasty excrements. THEY WERE AUTOMATIC FLUSH TOILETS. How does this happen? Do you fake out the toilet sensor and then sit back and have terrible diarrhea everywhere? I know you might not want to touch the gross handle, I certainly don't, but you can just use your foot then to flush. Or wave your hand in front of the sensor. OR just not be a pig. Those are you choices. And walking away from your dirty mess is not one of them. 

Nice ass ;)

So sue me. I look at peoples' butts. It's just interested to see the different shapes and how they move. It's not like a sexual thing, just observation-like. First thing, peoples' asses bounce SOOOO much. But I digress. This is not what I wanted to say.
Today is Ash Wednesdays. So I was a good Catholic and went to mass this morning. Church is one of the best places to observed butts. People just standing in rows in front of you and all.So naturally I was looking at the butts in the room in front of me. Remember I said it didn't have anything to do with it being a turn on. Because I was looking at this family sitting in front of us. Like a mom and dad, who had plenty of miles already, and their daughter. The butt is the first place to look in analyzing pants. Because I don't understand how people buy pants that don't fit them in the slightest.

I hate buying pants despite my complete and utterly ridiculous love for denim. The manufacturers have molds for body types and assume that you fit some sort of equation where your hips and leg length are proportionally related. But some of us don't necessarily fit into that. I have a small waist and small hips but ridiculously long legs. Finding jeans that fit me well, not just decently and they are on sale so I might as well, is difficult. Even going back to the same store after a year when styles change doesn't necessarily mean I will find the same fit as I did the year before. But still, I don't give up. If I'm going to put something on my body, it better fit and make me look good.

There are 2 very important things to check to make sure they fit well and don't annoy the shit out of me and the rest of the world. First is length. I understand that there are some styles in for girls that are cut at the ankle or a little above. I get that. When the rest of the pant fits, it's okay to sacrifice a little length. But they should never look like this:

How difficult is it to find a brand that does short and long lengths on their pants? It has become a regular thing now for jeans. I mean I have been buying long pants for a long time. It doesn't cost more or anything. So just look for more than a few seconds at pants. Or actually go buy them yourself and try them on before you buy them instead of your mom buying everything you wear.

The other thing is a good fit in the ass. Which is what I started talking about with this post. When you're walking past people, people check out dat ass. And no one wants a floppy butt. Even if you don't have a big round butt and have a flat ass instead you can still find jeans that fit you well and make what you have look good.  Just put on the pants, turn and look in the mirror and look at your booty. If it looks pinch-able then you're in the clear. If a pinch just grabs a lot of cloth, look for a different pair. It is really that simple. And I understand this is not as helpful to guys because they have different styled pants then girls. But it is still good to have these qualities in pants. I love a guy in a good pair of jeans. When they have a pair of pants that are long enough and show off a good ass, Mmmmmmm.

So yeah. Learn to buy and put on pants that make you look yummy. Not like an idiot who hasn't bought new pants since you were prepubescent.

This world is messed up

So I am interested in forensics. I have taken several classes for it and am currently in the advanced class where we meet once a week to do case studies. Then we had a class that was just an overview class on fetishes and pedophilia.

Let me explain the difference between a fetish a preference. A preference is just something that you like during sexual situations. Like I could say someone has a preference for women in high heels. But that doesn't mean that person (could be a woman too people) needs the woman to wear high heels. A fetish is when someone needs something in order to get off. If that person could not get sexually aroused without someone in high heels then that is his fetish.

So we covered many different fetishes in this class. There are 9 different classifications where the last category is Other. So basically there is a bunch of gross things out there. And don't get me wrong, some of this stuff is find in moderation, just not as a fetish. Like the horse people. Ugh. Just wait.

So there are 2 that I'm grouping together: exhibitionists and frotteurism. The first is flashing people and that's how people get sexual aroused. Bu revealing their junk to some poor unsuspecting person. The second is when the individual is gratified by touching/rubbing their genitals up on a stranger or touching a stranger's genitals. Like there was a guy who would conveniently bump into women in a subway station and then they would realize once they were out of the crowded area that there was some substance on them. Probably this pervert's semen. Like what the Hell? This is why everyone thinks that old men are creepy. What a way to put a damper on the mood for the day. Oh you had a nice lunch break? I had some old man cum on my new dress. It's gross. If this ever happens to me, someone is losing his balls real fast. I'm quick as lightning and won't stay for that shit.
      Similar to that is voyeurism which is just a peeping Tom. It is watching unsuspecting people naked or fucking. I'm just going to add on to my last statement: no one is looking at me undressing that I don't want to. Good try though asshole.

But there are a lot of idiots in this world. And I have no idea who comes up with this and how they have not died from it. Everyone knows about S&M (thanks Rihanna) and how some people are into bondage. But there is a new sort of bondage involving plastic. You know those space bags where you suck out the air with a vacuum when you put your clothes in it? Replace the clothes with your body and there you go. Some weirdos are getting all hot and bothered by watching or being put in a plastic bag and having their oxygen removed. HOW DO THEY LIVE?! And even further, some one took advantage of this peculiar market and made up the vacuum bed. You lay down between 2 plastic sheets and get zipped in. Some had a breathing hole and some didn't. Then they vacuum out the air so the plastic is very tight on your body. Not gonna lie, I'd like to try it to see what it feels like since I've never been in a vacuum. Not because it will make me orgasm because I'm positive it wouldn't. I don't understand how that is pleasurable. Whatever.

Then there are the freaks into bestiality. There is a couple who met on an online dating site. He came to visit her on her farm and when she was showing him around the barn she noticed something about her miniature pony. He had a boner and was masturbating. How does a horse masturbate you ask? Apparently they just whip their dick up at their belly. But she thought it was so hot so she got down and sucked him off. In front of this new man. He thought it was sexy. And now they are married. They like to take turns with the horse while the woman has sex with it like it is a human. The man just performs oral and takes it up the butt from the horse. WHAT THE FUCK.

This is something I find increasingly disturbing. A girl only a few years older than I started dating a new man. His fetish: diapers. He likes it when she wears a diaper, holds a diaper, or there is a diaper in the same room as him. So she developed an infantism fetish. She is an adult baby. She enjoys wearing diapers (her boyfriend even changes her diapers) and talking like a child and he even gently spanks her in a non-sexual way. It leaves me speechless. Especially if this man plans on having children. So he has a baby and it wears a diaper and it turns him on? So will he get a boner looking at his kid for 4 years? Does that lead to sexual abuse? I don't understand this at all.

There are so many others I just can't begin to understand. People are fucked up and idiots. The world is in trouble if this is what is being produced.

But this is pretty funny to lighten the mood: FURRIES!!

Chat Roulette FTW

Here is a great story. Most people think it is creepy as fuck but I find it absolutely hilarious. You can judge for yourself.

This story spans 2 years now. It started when me and some friends were hanging out. The 6 of us would be bored and think it was funny to go on chat roulette and have these girls just talking to random guys. We would always look for the random nerds and things. Oh and this was before it was super sketch-- there was only like 1 penis every 8 people instead of 1 out of 3. And again, it's just anatomy. It's still disgusting as Hell that you need to get your kicks by masturbating and flashing random people. Yeah there are legitimate fetishes for that (saving for another blog possibly) and if it happens in the real world it's illegal. So keep that in mind perverts. But still, nothing is quite as disheartening as getting skipped by a guy beating off before you could hit skip. That screams: I think you're ugly and can't jizz looking at you.  Anyways...
          So there was one time that one of the girls was online and met this guy from Turkey. His name was Tugkan and they talked for like an hour. His English was (and still is) awful. But Skype information was exchanged and since then we have all gotten each others' Skype names. The original girl is now my roommate. Not the silly ho, we shall just refer to her as Vi for this. So me and Vi would Skype him and his friend. We would 3 way Skype with his friend in America while Tugkan was in Turkey. So we are Facebook friends with all these people then. Kind of weird, but harmless.

Then he would say how Vi was perfect and his future wife. We just laughed and thought it was flattering and cute. Because he would laugh too. Then he said we should come visit him in Turkey. We were like, um no we don't have money for that. He said he would fly us out to visit. He could pay for our plane tickets and that his friend owns a small hotel we could stay at for really cheap. We checked it out too and it was legit. Unfortunately, we were not stupid enough to fall for that. I mean it was still pretty harmless but we were not about to go get taken in Turkey. Pass. I'm not going into the human trafficking sex slave ring. So we graciously declined his offer to politely kidnap us for a week. Yeah, it's sketchy I know.

He also had his thing for Vi. So he started talking to me without her. Because he was going to get her a gift. He had told Vi he would and she was like oh you don't need to do that. But he got her jewelry. Scratch that. He designed her a necklace. Showed me the design and everything. He was going to mail it to her at school. I figured it wouldn't be terrible to have a school address we wouldn't have in a year so I gave it to him hoping this present would show up. It never did.

Slowly we just stopped talking to each other. Until 2 days ago. I was on Skype and he messaged me. He had important news for me. He is currently in the U.S. He is taking a class in San Francisco. Or maybe it was L.A. He is transferring from one to the other. He also wants me to help teach him how to speak English better. Which I said I could do when we were talking. He is still a nice guy, even gave a shout out to my boyfriend. But Tugkan brought up the gift he had for Vi. Apparently he still has it. I asked why he didn't send it. He didn't really give a good answer (in his terrible broken English) but said now he can give it to her in person.

So now I am wondering if I will be having a literally run in with the Turkish man we met on chat roulette. Should I be afraid? Because I'm not. I'm actually excited if we really get to meet. I just wish he could've brought his dog Tiny with.

Oh drunk people.

So one of my favorite things to do is fuck with drunk people. Especially when they are super drunk or blacked out and I am sober. The dumb shit they say is hilarious.

I dedicate this post to the silly ho that is my roommate. A few weeks ago was her 21st birthday and so she went out at midnight. So yes I messed around with her as soon as she came back from the bars approximately 90 minutes later. But I dick around with all friends when they are intoxicated because they have stupid funny responses.

I find that drunk kids are unusually naive. Even if they are very stubborn and realistic when sober, they tend to believe things more easily which makes it so much more fun to converse with them. I lie to them all the time and tell extreme stories to see how much I can get them to believe. Which is a lot. Fucking idiots.

But my favorite moments are when it becomes a no pants party. Such was the case last weekend. I was in my friends' room with his roommates and a few other people talking and telling stories. When I walked out into the main area of the apartment, I noticed people laughing (not surprising) but then boys quickly pulling up their pants. We joked around about that and then oops there they go again. Hey man, nice blue boxers. The funny thing about this is that the people dropping they pants often forget to take them off completely and have them around their ankles. This provides perfect opportunities to get them to run/dance/hop/etc. and watch them fall flat on their faces. Of course these are all people I am friends with so we don't mind a good chuckle amongst us as long as no one gets seriously hurt (and for the record, I have great first aid abilities should it come down to that). Well, one of them was a guy with a busted leg anyways. Like he uses a cane (but I'm too nervous to ask what happened that he needs it) and so its just more humorous. I also slapped him, but neither of us remember why.

Funny enough, I've walked into that apartment before to find people playing kings in their underwear. Boy oh boy did they turn pink. I just laughed my ass off. I love when people get on that level. It's just anatomy guys, we've all seen it before. So don't worry.

But the worst drunk people are the people who want to drink away a person. Like if someone is in a fight with their significant other or something. Because when they reach the level that is required for people to go into no-pants parties they go into whining about their life mode. And won't stop. Suddenly everything is about them and their problems and we all want to hear about it. And when we are talking, it must be about them. But it's always really exaggerated things or unrealistic situations but still they think it's all plausible due to their drunkenness. I hear it from boys and I hear it from girls.

If you ever plan on pulling one of these on me, give me fair warning so I can get to your level so I can bitch with you. If you're going to take off your pants, no warning is needed. Some surprises are just fucking hilarious.

Things men shouldn't do: Part 1

This is an anti-men rant. No use trying to beat around the bush (where did that saying come from anyhow?) and be mysterious about what I might be talking about today or any bullshit like that. So I just said it. Well maybe not anti-man, but they sure do some annoying shit sometimes. So here it goes:

Things men shouldn't do

1. Leave the seat up.  I mean this may be a subject that has been beaten to death but there are some things that just really need to be fixed. If it's in a man apartment, fine. It is your place and we can deal with it however gross it is. But when you step into a lady's apartment you better shape up. When you walked into the bathroom did you see the seat up? No. Because we are hygienic. Yes. Hygienic. Because guess what, there is back splash and no one wants that in their bathroom. Also, as much as it pains me to talk about it, there is like dried piss on the underside of toilet seats. Why the fuck would you want to see that? Huh? Why would you purposefully leave the seat up forcing the next unsuspecting victim to view that and then have to put the seat back down? Mostly it's just rude. I mean you are in a house where the occupants clearly have manners and leave the seat down and you are in their place so how about you just clean up your act and put the fucking seat back down. Yes I mean to put a period there to emphasize that it is not a request be actually a demand. Because I will call you out on it.

2. Talk about the miracle of childbirth.  Sure, go ahead and talking about having children and how it is such a blessing and everything. Let us know how you think it is amazing how we can create life (just like the big man up top and every other living creature) and watch the process as the cells come together to form a functional life form. But the act of giving is not something you get to have a real say in. You wanna know how all the dads I know acted in the delivery room? THEY ALMOST FAINTED. Yes that includes my father during my birth. Some nurse had to grab him before he collapsed. Miracle my ass. Bro, you are not pushing a 9 pound thing out of any of your orifices. Does a miracle include shitting all over the delivery table? Or pissing yourself? Is it beautiful to watch your wife/girlfriend/one night stand scream in pain for hours while you just sit there and are helpless to do anything but watch? No. It's gross. It's sweaty and bloody and messy. And maybe at the end when the baby has taken it's first breath and the nurse has cleared the amniotic sac out of its mouth, then it becomes a beautiful mess. But the actual act of childbirth is something reserved for women, and women alone, to give their opinions on for it being a "miracle" or whatever. Only those who can experience something can give their opinion on it. I've never climbed a mountain so I couldn't tell you how glorious it is or how it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would. It would offend those who actually have done it.
     Just because the world has been primarily run by men does not mean that they know best or that they know everything all the time. So shut up about the shit you can't know because you sound like a fucking tool and we hate you.


This is all I have right now but I know I will have more to rant about. Since our world is half occupied by my male counterparts I am sure that I will have more to say in future posts. So I deem this Part 1. Who knows how many parts there will be? Maybe there will be a post of Things Men Should Do. I think I'll start new notes on my phone for this...

Get off your phone.

Call me old fashioned. I like handwritten notes and I prefer talking on the phone to texting. I like the effort and sentiment put into letters and I'd rather hear your voice and talk then have to wait around for a short message with improper grammar and abbreviations. I like more personal things. But with the technology we have today, everyone has a mobile phone. And everyone is always on it.
     Which brings me to what I want to talk about: cell phone etiquette.

There are definitely times that you should not be on your phone. Some are obvious like on a date or in a movie theater. There are places you probably shouldn't be on your phone like in class (unless you sit in the back). But something that really pisses me off is when I'm hanging out with someone or a couple people and there is one person who is constantly on their phone. I don't care what you are doing on your phone. You could be texting someone else, on facebook, I couldn't give a shit. Nothing screams "I'd rather be somewhere else" like staying on your phone.

If someone is telling you about their weekend or just telling a story you should be paying attention to that person. You don't need to have to split your attention between listening to your friend and reading twitter. Who cares if you can recite a main point of what your friend is saying if you don't act like you're paying attention. It's rude. Even when you are hanging out with a small group of people you should not be constantly on your phone. You are with people that you supposedly want to be spending time with. If you are with people you want to be spending time with, why are you devoting time to talking to other people? Why are you making other plans? Next time, just hang out with who ever it is you would rather be talking to.

I personally try to stay off my phone when I hangout with people I care about. When I go out to dinner, sit around and watch movies, or just bumming around with friends I keep the phone usage to a minimum. Of course there are exceptions. And if I'm just sitting around my apartment and a pal decides to swing by to say hello and watch a little tv, I'll probably still have my phone out. But once we start talking I ignore any texts I get.

Also, what I do on my phone is my own business. I don't constantly look at your screen to see what you are doing or ask who you are talking to (unless you are rudely ignoring me and just paying attention to your digital world). So I expect that when I am on my phone you don't try to read over my shoulder. No I am not texting about you. Not everything is about you. No I'm not talking about anything that concerns you. So back off.

And I know every household is different, but in my parents' house we don't use phones at the table. Before cell phones we didn't even answer the land line during dinner. So maybe I'm crazy for wanting to interact with the people around me and not some random person telling jokes on twitter. Maybe I'm off my rocker for preferring to have quality time with people instead of half-assing a friendship where I only pay attention if my phone is off.

It's simple. Don't be a jackass. Be respectful. Get some manners.  If you are enjoying yourself, you won't need to be on your phone. And trust me, people notice. Moron.

Beer and Football

So it is Super Bowl Sunday. Also known as the day second to Thanksgiving for the greatest consumption of calories in the year. With the amount of carbs from pizza, wings, chips and dip, and (everyones' favorite) beer, this should not be surprising.
Naturally I want to enjoy the foods of the day as much as everyone else, but I will not act like a fool and be stunned that I have a food baby or how lazy I feel after and wonder why all of a sudden I feel fat and have put on a few pounds or something.

There are so many people in the gym working out since they made resolutions to work out more. And then there are the Spring Break people there trying to get a sexy body to show off on some beach somewhere. So when you chow down today don't be surprised that you have to work out more to get back to where you were last week. If you are really that concerned, then don't be a fatass today.


Also here is another good blog and I really like this entry specifically.
     http://himynameismurr.blogspot.com/2012/02/expected-valentines-post.html

These are not real pants.

With the sudden changes in weather, once again I have been noticing what people have been wearing. And once again it makes me mad.
         Leggings are not sufficient pants! It is 8 degrees out! First of all, there is no way that those leggings are keeping you warm enough to walk out side in this winter weather with those blustery winds. Same goes for tights. Unless you are wearing one warm ass coat or not going outside then I guess it's okay. But I still frown upon you.

And leggings are still not pants and you should not wear them as such.

The thing is too, that we all are going to stare at your ass. You know we are. You have it very clearly defined and it's so impossible to avoid it when we are walking behind you up the stairs. So can you please wear something that covers at least the top part of your kiester?

Half of you dumb bitches don't ever wear the right underwear with it. You wear not thongs and have a terrible VPL (Visible Panty Line). You look like an idiot.

BUY SOME THONGS AND GET OVER THE BUTT FLOSS THING. HALF THE GUYS YOU ARE GONNA GET WITH WANT TO STICK IT THERE ANYWAYS AND THAT'S WAY WORSE.

Call me whatever you want

I go through these phases every couples months. And I feel like there are plenty of other people out there who do the same thing. Ever since I was enrolled in schooled, I've had to correct others on my name. My full name is not Kate, it's Katherine. I have gone by Kate as long as I can remember but every roll call, every first day of class, every application here comes Katherine.

I'm not saying that I don't like the name Katherine at all. I mean I used to when I was younger. When I was in elementary school I used to get teased for it. And Katherine just seemed too proper for me at the time. That's why I always stuck with Kate.

The first time I thought about changing back to my full name was before I was going off to college. I could start over at a new place where no one knew I went by Katherine. I could become professional and not just spunky Kate. But then I never did it. Do I regret it? Nah.

The only problem is when I fill out applications and such things. I always use Katherine when I fill them out and it's on my resume and everything. Even when I email in professional messages. But then after I meet with people, I slowly have to correct them that i actually go by Kate. And then I have to correct them from Katie to Kate. Everyone originally says Katie. No. That is not me. I have never been a Katie ever in my life. I have always been a Kate and sometimes a Katherine.

But now I'm thinking about going back to Katherine again. But I don't know if I can pull it off. I supposed I never will know until I try? I'm just scared of it. Just like I'm scared to go brunette. But maybe I will try out the brown. Then try out the Katherine. Let's see how adventurous I actually am.

V-Day = D-Day

It's starting. I see it everywhere now. It is invading our homes and our stores. It is only a matter of time before it destroys our minds. It is the invasion of pink, red, hearts, and all things Valentine related. Small naked babies carrying weapons is suddenly acceptable. It is even encouraged to have improperly trained toddlers shooting off arrows tipped in who knows what at people. Fuck that.

Valentines' Day is one of the most dreaded "holidays" of the year. I don't even think it is a real holiday. It is the most pathetic Hallmark holiday there is. It is just to boost sales of cards and chocolates and flowers. Maybe jewelry too. Fuck if I know or care. I think Valentines' Day is the dumbest holiday there is ever. I have been single and in a relationship on the day and it doesn't matter, I still think it is stupid.

All the day does it put pressure on people and make people feel bad about themselves. To everyone single, it is just a day to acknowledge they are alone. And to try to find someone willing to be their valentine-- whether this means going on a date, exchanging chocolates, or just hanging out together. And if they can't find anyone, they can watch a sappy rom com all by themselves. Doesn't that sound like an exhilarating day? Even when you claim you don't care about the day, you still are secretly cursing every couple you see holding hands and thinking to yourself Get a fucking room already. In some cases it has been shouted (by me).
     Then for the people in relationships: why the fuck do they need to exchange gifts? It's like Hey. Here's my effort for the year since the people have decided to just name one day to be romantic. Just like with Mothers' Day and Fathers' Day. Why do you need a special to day to show someone you care? Just be awesome all the time instead of just once.  So much pressure is then put on a guy to make sure that he is so romantic and plan an adorable date. Is it really that important to go out to a fancy dinner? No it isn't. No need to waste money on that. Just go out some other time. You won't have to put in a reservation or wait an extended period of time to be seated.

I mean I understand having a (Hallmark) day to celebrate someone like your mom. Shower her with love and praise (assuming your mom didn't beat you or anything like that. If she did, my sympathies). But a day to celebrate being in a relationship? Or Romance? Cheesy alert: Shouldn't you celebrate that everyday just like you should celebrate each day of life? No need to rub it in everyones' face.

Also, this is not a day that allows PDA to become acceptable. You cannot start making out in the middle of the sidewalk or start feeling each other up. Great. We get it. Now get the fuck away before my eyes burn out.

The only good thing about Valentines' Day was back in elementary school when we made mailboxes and had a party and everyone gave each other candy. Because we were young and dumbasses we didn't really get the whole love thing. V-Day is just an exploitation of the American consumeristic lifestyle of how we always need material possessions (presents) and how we love to eat (chocolate/candy) and things that show off wealth or are glittery (jewelry). Basically, it's a girls day. But only for girls in relationships. Because what do guys get? Blown if they're lucky.