Sexy Professor

I know this may sound bad, and I know people will disagree with what I think, but that's too bad.

I have really really wanted someone I know to have an affair with a professor. 

There. I said it. And I'm not sorry about it. This may be the most drama causing thing I have ever wanted. Some might say, Oh that's gross! That's so inappropriate! Why?! And to you I say, read some more of this blog and you might understand. How many movies or stories do people hear that involves a student sleeping with a teacher in order to get a better grade or get a job or prevent blackmail or something like that? ALL THE TIME! Do I want to hear about the drama about one of my professors?? Of course!! Would it be really weird and kind of awkward? Probably. Would I love having that secret? Duh. I love keeping secrets. And am good at keeping them too.

As for the why, this is something that has crossed my mind as I prepare to graduate. I look back on my time in school and think about what I loved and what I regret and what I want to happen these last few months. So if anyone wants to have a last minute affair, let me know. I'll keep your secret.

Learn to drive

So I was just minding my own business the other day. Just walking home from dinner or something of the sort. And I had to cross the street. Not a big deal, right? Well apparently it was a big deal to some bitch who was driving. Here is a crude picture of how this was all set up:



So here I am, trying to cross. I get to the intersection moments before the blue car pulls up to the stop sign. I had seen the car was getting close and there was no turn signal or anything. So I thought to myself Okay it is safe to cross since this car must be going straight and thus will not interfere with my crossing. So I walk out into the intersection. The car starts going. Then slams on the brakes and I look over at it as I'm part way through the intersection. And this bitch is flipping me off. Are you kidding me? Apparently she decided to turn right, still no signal on, and couldn't believe that the pedestrian, who was at the intersection first and was following the rules of the road, would bother to get in her way. What a fucking moron. Plus, wherever you're trying to get to, you dumb bitch, you will get there much faster than I will get anywhere walking. SO TAKE FUCKING CHILL PILL. MAYBE IF YOU HAD REMEMBERED HOW TO DRIVE AND YOU A GODDAMN SIGNAL, I WOULD'VE PAUSED LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO TURN AND GO ON YOUR OWN FUCKING WAY.

Engagement #1

So I know  a few people that have been getting engaged throughout this past year. As most of my friends are finishing their undergraduate degrees, those with serious boyfriends are preparing to get hitched. My Indiana friends tend to get engaged/married at younger ages than my friends from home in Chicago. And my friends here know more people than they can count on two hands that are engaged or married or popping out their offspring. I can probably count all of these on one hand.

But I still do have friends who have gotten engaged or married in this past year. I would call them second or third tier friends. That might sound bad, but they just are friends of mine that aren't in my closest group of friends. Until now.

One of my best friends and roommate burst out into happy tears last night when her boyfriend of several years surprised her and proposed to her. And now I'm feeling all overwhelmed and I'm not the one with the blinding ring.

So a big CONGRATS to one of my favorite people!!!! And her fiance of course.

Couples are better

Now up until recently, I would completely disagree with the title of this post. Despite the fact I am in a committed relationship, I would still surround myself with single friends. Most of them were women and we would go out together all the time. I guess I could describe them as more free? And then I would get to play match maker and wingman. And let me tell you something... I make a fucking great awesome fantastic spectacular wingman. I can work it for the ladies and the fellas. If you need to get it in or something like that, I can help. But I digress.

So single people are supposed to be more WiLd and crazy right?! Well that doesn't seem to be the case any longer. Here is my theory based on experience:

Single people fall into a few different categories. These include: 1) people looking to sleep around and play the field 2) people looking for only serious relationships and 3) people satisfied to be single (with their cat/dog) and not looking to date. The majority of these people are still looking to impress someone of the opposite sex. If they look too crazy, it would most likely scare some sexy stranger away. Unless that person was also naturally crazy. People in relationships already know that the other person can be crazy or something like that. And they accept them for it. So it's okay to be crazy.

For example, last weekend shit got real. Couples all went out for drinks. I joined post work and found jager bombs waiting for me once I arrived. All I have to say is party with couples who are extremely comfortable with loose boundaries. The boundaries that push physical, mental, and emotional lines into an area that some might find uncomfortable. Others might find entertaining. Or weird.

Let's just say, there could be any of the following: stripping (of several sorts), blackout pizza buys, streaking, girl on girl hickies, free shots, and more.

Commitment Issues

So it is more than obvious that I haven't been posting recently. Recently being in a few months. Last semester I was really slammed with work and electronic issues. It appears I had a short fling with my blog and since have abandoned him (yes this will be a male. Because they are, at times, worth abandoning). My schedule has freed up and I have had thoughts I want to write down. I will attempt to make this weekly. So that there will be a post sometime during the week. Probably not the weekend since it is likely I'll be blitzed.

If anyone does read this and enjoy what they read, I would redirect you to my twitter @OutwitTheDevil for more frequent hilarity. Thanks to my phone, I tweet often and inappropriately. Also if you ever need to know when Star Wars or Harry Potter is on TV, I am an excellent person to follow.

This post is not going to count as the weekly post, but more of a contract of commitment to this blog. I owe it to myself. And anyone who thinks shit I write is funny.