My dog, the cat.

I think my dog is secretly a cat. No, she doesn't meow or hiss at people. She doesn't claw at thing or piss in a box inside. She has nine lives.

Know what she did last night? Got into one of my present that had 3 chocolate coins in it and ripped a whole in the netted bag and eat them and the aluminum coverings and the bag. Idiot. If she had eaten the money I had in that bag, oh boy would she be feeling some pain.

But that was just little. There are bigger incidents. I came home from school and my mom informed me about the activities of the night before. My parents had hosted a cocktail parties with some sweet nom for a couple other couples. Someone had made a bundt cake. A chocolate bundt cake. And this dumbass dog decided she wanted to try some. And not just a nibble. Unless you call half the cake a nibble. So yeah... Isn't chocolate lethal to dogs? Well all she did was puke her life away until 5 am with my mom taking care of her. Poor mom. Stupid dog.

This is not the first time that the idiot has done this. She does this every few years. The second year or so that we had her, my parents went to France and my grandparents watched us when we weren't in school. Someone forgot to contain the dog in the laundry room when we weren't home and she got into all sorts of things. She ate up my grandma's medicine. She tore through  a deck of cards. She devoured a box of brownies. A huge box of delicious chocolate brownies. All she did was throw up that night in her cage a lot. Well my very conservative Catholic grandma was using some inappropriate language. Which I found hilarious in my younger years.

But really. How the Hell is this canine not dead? I mean in no way am I wishing that she was gone, I'm just saying, she must be down to her 3rd or 4th life now. And this is so ridiculous.

"It's not the size that counts. It's what he does with the wallet."

On the eve of a baby being born.

So it's Christmas eve. We are not hosting anything at my house tonight just bringing some snacks and dishes over to relatives' homes. I've done my part in helping and have put in my tacky holiday earrings (bears holding french horns with Santa hats on). So here I am sitting around as the parents finish finding the gifts we must bring over. Once it's time, I'll help bring everything out to the car don't worry I'm not a bad kid like the boys in the family. I shovel the driveway too.
I expect that there will be something nonsensical or annoying or striking that will happen later tonight. Maybe around 11:30. Why? Because that's the middle of Christmas mass tonight. It's going to be packed with Chreasters (people who only go to Christmas and Easter masses) and many crying children. And we are going to have to fight to find a seat for my whole family. Because, although I have been lacking in my attendance to church, my family goes every week and is very involved with the parish. If you don't care enough to go normally, why go on these two days? That means you probably aren't very religious. You might be a celebrator of Santa but maybe not Saint Nick and Jesus and all. Which is totally okay. I guess. Just don't try to beat all the normal attendees to the church and take our seats. Please? Good.

God bless and be safe.


Eggnog rocks.

Kids are dumb

Speaking of trains (in the previous post), I was on one today. I was traveling by myself to meet up with some friends in the city. Knowing I was going to be on a train for a while just me, I brought my iPod to keep me company. And holy shit. There were 2 kids on the train that would not. shut. up. The whole ride into the city they were singing the 12 days of Christmas. That's a lot of singing by small beings who cannot sing anyways and they barely knew the words. Then there were even smaller humans on the main level of the train. Crying and screaming. I had to turn my music up so loud just to drown out the horrid noise of children could be eliminated.


The sounds they make can make me cringe. The space is so confined on a train and if you can't keep your thing under control, then put it to sleep during that time. Or give it a muzzle. Just fucking train it to not cry. Give it treats or something when it's quiet.

Same goes for airplanes. Everyone hates it when they find out there is a baby on the plane. Or a small child seated near them. They know then that the trip is going to be less enjoyable than it could be because the creature will be noisy and complaining and overall not silent.

As much as everyone might want to be kind and everything, we all just want to duct tape those stupid shits.

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can get someone else to do today."

Yeah, they make that much.

Here is something that really just irks me. And I mean it's something that has bothered me before but as I was getting picked up from the train station I heard a comment on the radio that reminded me of my disapproval.
            Why do pro athletes get to make so much money?

Derrick Rose just signed a 5 year contract with the Bulls for over $94 million. WHAT THE HELL. I mean I get it, they bring in a lot of attention and thus advertisers and sponsors and whatnot. But really. Almost $20 million a year? To play basketball? Then in order to pay these people the price of tickets go up. Slowly, attending sporting events are going to be a privilege if they are not already. Only elite people will be able to afford to go watch their beloved teams play. I know that my family cannot afford decent seats or even crappy seats at different stadiums/arenas for all of us to go.

Crimeney, researchers finding cures for different diseases don't get paid nearly that much. And they help keep us healthy! The most they get to do is fight for a single award in their field that will give them lots of money. But with the amount of scientists doing work in each field, being recognized is highly non-probable. Does anyone know the name of the person or team of people who found the vaccine for small pox? No? Me neither. But I bet they weren't paid nearly enough. Especially considering the amount of vaccines given out so that the general public doesn't have an epidemic. If it was a music artist, each time the song was played they would get paid. Doesn't really work like that for creating a safe and healthy society.

Why aspire to do something meaningful when you can just be in shape and play a sport for a few years, make millions, and retire with a hot body?

"Going to hell when I die would be redundant."

2 blogs?!?

I haven't posted on here in a while. Thanks a lot finals. Way to rip a hole through my face and suck out my brain. Do you ever drink too much caffeine or something and then your eyes feel all crazy? Like sometimes my eyes feel like they are swelling up and are going to explode out of my eye sockets. I mean I'm pretty sure they won't but still, it's a cause for concern. Now I am home and I am sure that I will be bored of it soon. So expect more posts.

A lot of people who have blogs I like are on Tumblr. So I have made the executive decision that I would make a Tumblr account to make following these people easier. I will post on there occasionally but since it is mostly picture blogging, I will update it less than this one is my guess. Mostly it's just a way for me to link the 2 blogging worlds together. And I will always update that one when I post here in case someone just checks that one for updates. I don't know. Regardless its http://seajelliesandjam.tumblr.com and I know it looks real familiar and that my creativity is lacking but I don't give a damn. There are, however, some interesting people I follow on there that I recommend you follow too. Just go check it out.

I don't really have anything I want to say right now. I'm awfully tired. So when I am rejuvenated I have a few points I want to hit. Like people I physically could assault. God girls piss me off.

"Another day, another opportunity to bitch and moan."

HYPER NERDISM

This is how I feel right now:












I can already tell that I am going to be up for a while still. I have books and material from 3 different classes with me plus my laptop. I went to one review session tonight and it rocked my shit. Good thing that's my first exam. HA. I can't wait to be doing synthesis problems converting benzene to some bizarre form of cocaine. Then physics... it's not really that important right? It's all GNOMES. Those sneaky bastards. <--- They are links. Click them idiot. And anatomy, I can study that on my own time if you know what I mean. I wish I was your Vagus nerve so I could wander all over your body. Mmmm get it.
        So here I am nerding it up. In a fabulous library. By myself. No but really everyone forgets about this one since it normally closes at midnight and now there are very few people here. I COULD DO SO MANY FUN THINGS AND HAVE ADVENTURES! Or study. Are they not the same?!

Also I realized we are reaching the end of 2011. No I don't care to be like "Oh! What a year let me recap!" I'm more like: OH SHIT. I need to get a new page-a-day calendar! The daily bitch is almost over! And I mean the calendar. Not me. Fuck off. So we shall see how I survive and handle this issue. But really, fuck off.

"I think someone spiked my drink last night ... like all 20 of them."

Free shit.

First of all, what library closes at 5pm the weekend before finals? How do we not have libraries that stay open until at least 9pm? I mean sure it's the weekend but many libraries have extended hours now. Except the one that I chose. Great.

The most popular library just happens to be underground. I hate going there because it is a social library not a study one. During dead week and finals, it is open 24 hours. Which also means it is packed these 2 weeks. Which super sucks. The only good thing about it is that Jimmy Johns likes to show up. WITH FREE SANDWICHES. I mean they aren't full size sandwiches but they send out several employees with boxes of mini sandwiches to just hand out to students studying. I mean it's a great promotion idea. And I love free food. So when I'm there pretty late the next week, I better get some free snacks.

But really who doesn't like free stuff? I mean really. Who doesn't? Because they are an idiot. I don't care what it is. I pretty much always will take something that's free unless it will... well actually I don't even have a good example of me turning down anything free.
            After I stopped buying physical CDs I was at some festival or something that was handing out special CD openers. They were these sliding things that would cut through all that plastic and awkward tape on new CDs. I took 3. Did I ever use one? Maybe once.
            3 weeks ago one of my best friends had a friend visiting and we walked around town showing her around. We went into a candy store and they had free samples of chocolate covered cherries. I took one and ate it. I don't like cherries. It was free! How do you pass that up?!
            The other night I was studying in the union. I knew that I had to get up really early to harvest pig organs and that I needed a lot of sleep. It was like 10:30 but I decided if I didn't get a coffee I was going to pass out with my face on my note cards and would do something embarrassing like start drooling. Then my notes would get icky and I wouldn't be able to read them and would have to start over. Anyways I got the coffee. The barista and I started chatting about studying for finals and he asked if I wanted an extra shot of espresso in my coffee. I thought about it for a second about how much later I would stay up if I had that. And decided to accept his offer. In retrospect, I still support my decision. So I didn't fall asleep until 3 or 3:30 and had to get up at 7. Big deal. WE HAD A BONDING MOMENT. It would've been rude of me to decline this polite fellow's offer. Also he works tomorrow so maybe I'll stop by and see if I can get another free shot. Because I will definitely need it.

CRAM CRAM CRAM.

Blogging is what I use as my study break. Depending on how exhausted my noggin gets, I may have maybe posts during the next 5 days.

"Live today as though it is the last day of your vacation."

Virginia Tech

Today, there have been 2 fatal shootings at Virginia Tech. The shooter, at the time I am writing this, has not been caught. My heart goes out to everyone connected to the school. I pray that those there are safe, the law enforcement involved can make a swift arrest and find this man, and that no others are hurt before he can be stopped. It is so sad that the majority of this school's attention comes from the shootings that take place. I will never forget the massacre that happened there back in 2007. Going away to school, young adults should not have to worry about being shot unlocking their car or listening to a lecture or studying for finals. I can only hope that a situation like this never personally affects me or anyone dear in my life. Keep those at VTech in your thoughts and if you ever have suspicions about someone's mental state or if they could be a danger to others, do not hesitate to tell someone with authority. I know it's hard to do, but especially if they are dangerous -to themselves or others- you need to do something.

This post does not get a witty or bitchy ending. But it should end with compassion. Life is precious. Treat it as such.

All I want for Christmas is

I know it's just the start of the holiday season but while I'm thinking about this, I might as well share. And specifically I am going to talk about Christmas. I don't really know too much about other religiousness going on around now besides the Jewish people like dreidels and chocolate coins. And something about an oil lamp. I understand how terribly ignorant I am. But I was not raised in that religion and I don't study it so gimme a break.

Now I truly do enjoy the spirit of the season. Everyone seems to be sharing more and is usually in a better mood. There is more uplifting music and old movies on t.v. (specifically on ABCs 25 days of Christmas). Then the weather changes and the temperature drops and threats of a white Christmas begin. And I do love snow for usually 2 months. If there is snow on Christmas, I'm not opposed. And in addition to all that, there are the overly packed and extremely crowded malls.

That is the one thing I've come to dislike about this time of year. The obsession with buying the best present for someone or providing your child with the most expensive gift. There is no such thing as a bad kid on Christmas. It doesn't matter if Santa has a list of naughty and nice. A kid who has been a bully and jerk all year can just start crying to mommy and daddy and guess what, he will get the new MW3 regardless of the fact he is only 9. Isn't that for mature people? Like isn't that the rating? But our culture has become entirely too fixated on material goods and showing off who can get the most extravagant and luxurious gifts. You love someone? Only if you buy him a new car or her a diamond necklace. Think your kid is the bomb? Does she have 7 pairs of Nike Shocks? I guess you don't then.

There is just too much emphasis on gifts and especially Santa Claus. I mean the guy is great to wish Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night and have a big jolly belly and all. But the amount of pressure on every parent of every religion to provide and cave to the Santa Phenomenon is outright ludicrous. The amount of exposure the man gets from the media puts the thought in every kids' head that a man in red suit is sliding down a chimney and delivering the best presents ever. How do parents deal with this? To break the hopes and dreams and hearts of the dear children. Answer: they don't. They cave. I have plenty of friends who are not religious or are not Christian and they celebrate Christmas for the Santa factor. I think this is a little silly that our society has come to this. I mean I am not an overly religious person but I don't understand how little Saint Nick took over the world and has become to mean so much.
                 I get it that is has to do with the season of giving to show you care. But, honestly, I'd rather hang out around a fire with my friends than have them buy me things. Hell, I'm asking my parents for cheap scrubs as a gift. If you really appreciate someone, then you shouldn't be just buying something big for them once or twice a year. Get them something little that you know they like randomly. Like a Yoda marshmallow lollipop. A little surprise is always better than a big expected gift, in my opinion. That is why I always tell my friends not to get me anything and I don't get them anything. Just being able to be together at this time of year is enough for me. Also I'm a broke ass college kid. But instead, we are going to bake cookies together. And that sounds like the best kind of gift: the gift of friendship (sorry to lay that cheesy line on you. I'm simple and I like simple things like friendship).

And two other things that bother me a little is that there don't seem to be new Christmas music hits. Like most people just do their own renditions of classic holiday songs. And Justin Bieber doesn't count because he is a little woman in moon boots. The other thing is that they don't play nearly enough claymation movies. Those old movies are the shit! They are so boss it isn't funny and those are all I watched when I was little. I wish I could live my life in claymation for a day. Our mouths would look fucking hilarious.

Also: Santa baby, come hurry down the chimney tonight is a dirty dirty innuendo. Get it Eartha Kitt.

"God invented men because vibrators can't mow the lawn."

This is what you should look forward to.

There are certain classes I'm not sure why I really show up. I learn the material better on my own and the class doesn't take attendance. So the ways to entertain myself involve the interwebs. So since I'm so busy being a good student and going to class, there is no need for me to sit near the front. In fact, I sit in the very last row that has an actual table so the professor can't see me napping or on my laptop all the time. So my favorite thing to do on campus is to expose the parents and up and coming college kids the truth about college.

Since my class is in a large lecture hall, tour groups often come through the back to see what the classes are like. I like to make sure I have my laptop open. To something not my email and not class notes. Preferably Facebook, Twitter, some blog, or some random game site like deadwhale.com. Then I like to make sure that I'm on my phone. Maybe texting, maybe playing words with friends, probably checking my horoscope. Not that I believe that stuff, but sometimes it coincides with my life and I find it interesting. But the tour group just stands behind me as I pay minimal attention to the professor and do my own thing.

Another thing that is fun, but I recommend to do pretty much only when it is warm out, is to dress up and interrupt the tours outside. Last year I decided to bring two light sabers down to keep in my apartment. EXCELLENT CHOICE, I know. And one of my favorite friends had sent me a Luke and Leia shirt for my birthday. Another friend has a wookie shirt. When we were bored on a Friday in April, we knew what to do. We put on our Star Wars shirts, grabbed a light saber, and headed to campus. I played the theme song off my phone and kept it in my back pocket. We just ran through classes with multiple doors having epic battles. We ran through the union, even the area where kids normally sleep on couches. They had an awesome awakening. But when we were outside, we would relax so we weren't sprinting all over campus. Until we saw tour groups. Then we sprinted a battle through the middle. We disturbed a picnic. It was great.

The other way to leave a great impression on the new kids is to be in class hammered or obviously on the strugglebus. Nothing says college like showing up to class with a flask right? And it doesn't matter what school you're at, every university has those great students who sneak a beer or mimosa into lecture. Or wear you're drunk/hungover glasses with a huge bottle of water or other hydrating beverage and just collapse in the back of class. Nothing leaves a better impression with soon to be acceptable college alcoholics than getting away with sleeping in class. That way you can still tell your folks you go to class while still remaining a part of the drunken shenanigans.



                      WELCOME TO COLLEGE BETCH.
This image I provide you should prepare your most important organ for the years to come. Of course I'm talking about your liver.



"Who says being bitchy isn't fun?"

I want washboard abs again.

Talking about high school makes me think of lots of things; prom, dumb classes, favorite teachers, among other things. And how in shape I was. And by in shape I mean I had no definite waist or hips. Put me in a spandex suit and ignoring my chest and lack of a.. ahem... package, I looked just like a boy. But whatever I was fine with it for a while. I mean I eventually got a defined waist. But that's not what I'm getting at. I was built. But not in the gross female body builder ways. I had the sickest 6-pack of my life. Like visibly present (especially when someone takes a picture of me in a bikini laughing). I could benched 120 a few reps. Best shape of my life. When I think about how I want my body to look, it's like that. I mean with the feminine touches and all. So I use the ab circuits that I did preparing for soccer and want to get back to being able to do 100/200s like I did with good old Bobby. That's 100 push-ups and 200 sit-ups.

As I was in the gym tonight working out, I thought about how productive it would be to have a trainer. I mean if I'm seriously trying to get back into shape. Oh and just because someone is thin/slender/skinny/whatever does not mean they are in shape. So I want to get muscle back is what I'm saying. But I started to think about all the trainers/coaches I've had over time and remembered a conversation I've had with my brother before.
         I much rather prefer a male coach. Yes I understand there is a difference between how women and men should be coached and probably taught. Especially in athletics, the ways that the different genders work out affects their bodies different. Due to the whole differences in hormone levels and all. But I don't care if I'm supposed to be doing a high intensity workout and I just got my period. Suck it up. That's what a good coach would say. He would NOT accept that as a reason to have an easier day. I want a man to push me to my limit. I want him to force me to be better than I am. So that even when I think I'm getting tired, I keep going and can't wimp out. Women get too cheery about these things. Or just don't get serious and interact with others that well. I mean if it's just a couple friends going to the gym to work out together it's one thing. But to get into a serious workout, I don't think I could have a female trainer. Too chatty.

So fellas, if you feel like going to the gym and working out and doing weights and stuff with a chick, let me know. Side note, I got closer to touching my toes today!

"I'm the bitch my mother always wanted to be."