So in class the other day we were watching an old demonstrative movie about different firearms. It was this guy with a great pedophile mustache and bad 70/80s porno music. He was just shooting different kinds of bullets from different caliber weapons and showing the impact on such things as jugs of water, targets, and beat-up piece of shit cars. Whenever he was using something of a high caliber and super lethal ammo, he would say something like "This is going to make a splash!" Then he would shoot the jug of water and it would just explode. And after he let loose with a Tommy Gun he just sighed really loudly and went " Ahhhhhh." To keep with the theme of the porno music, naturally.
But this got me in the mood to go shoot guns again. I mean I've only ever gone once. I went with my dad. And thinking about that time made me laugh because my mom is silly.
So every semester we spend a couple lectures on explosives and firearms. Which I love. I love things that go bang. Like with fire. But I quickly was alerted to the fact that I was one of 10% of the class that did not own or had not fired a gun. Airsoft and BB guns do NOT count. So I had told my dad last year that I wanted to go to a range and shoot some. It was over the holidays when I first brought this up and my mom was there but she apparently blocked that memory out. I mentioned it a few more times with my dad and we were going to try to go together when I was home in March. Fast forward a few months and it was tax season. My dad was helping me out with (and by helping me out I mean doing) my taxes and I had to call home to talk to him about it.
My mom answered and when I asked for my dad she got all upset saying "What you don't want to talk to me? Fine." So I talk with my dad and then bring up going to the range. He was waiting on his FOID card to come. Then he lets this one out: "Your mom thinks you have a stalker." I was so taken aback by this. I had no idea how she came up with that. I reassured my dad that I did not and that everything was fine.
Apparently this is how my mom's logic went: My daughter wants to go fire guns. She wants to learn how to properly handle them. That must means she is going to go buy a handgun. If she has a gun, she must need a reason to use it. Why? Because someone is stalking her and she is going to pump him full of lead.
REALLY?!?!?! Instead of being like "Oh hey parents. There is this really creepy guy who is following me around and won't stop, what should I do?" she assumes that I would keep that a secret and just try to blow the guy away. Good one.
So moral of this story is that I inherited a lot of the way I think from my mom. So when you can't understand the random-ass jumps or lack of transitions when I talk, remember I don't have a stalker. I just like to shoot things.
"Excuse me, but I have reputations to destroy."
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