One of my good girl friends from home and I have a love of making lists together. We have a "Words List" of unpleasant words to say or hear. Some are phrases and others have motions attached to them. These are the ones I find most entertaining.
Another list we have is my list of skills. These are not the typical skills one would imagine. One of my talents is "Not sharing." And I am really good at that one. Especially (and mostly) when it involves foods and beverages. And especially if it's something I've purchased recently for myself. I bought it for myself, not for you to enjoy in front of me. Or behind my back for that matter.
The best way to avoid sharing food/drink with others is to feign a disease. I know it isn't appropriate to choose serious diseases as a joke, but it gets the job done. Take last night as an example. I had a Den Pop and was enjoying it thoroughly. Some guy was talking to me and said how delicious it looked and snatched the straw and had himself a gulp. I gasped and looked up at him with a horrified expression. With the straightest face I could, I quickly explained "I have herpes..." This guy freaked out. He backed away and once I realized how concerned he was, I laughed and said I was just messing with him. But he continued to fake vomit all over the place. Like if I actually had any contagious nonsense that was going to do the trick. Vomiting the already ingested germs, which are all up in yo mouth, is going to be real effective bro. Let me repeat this: I do NOT have herpes. Or any such disease.
I just really dislike sharing and really enjoy the awkward reactions of people who think they are contracting a new illness. Because they look like sick dumbfounded morons.
"Statistically speaking, you can get away with murder."
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